People of Walmart

May 31, 2015

Fashion Real: The One-Stop Shop — Isn’t Anything Sacred Anymore?

by Raegan Thurlow, Part-Time Fashionista…

A girl’s prom: strapless bras, glittery eye shadow, unmet expectations, and cheesy photographs.
My prom: I think there was some dancing, and I’m sure there was some Mudslide mix (tastes like candy, makes boys more approachable).
Prom dresses should never be: sheer, covered in sequins, purchased at Walmart.

Guns: an accessory for Republican women with large handbags, the pride and joy of Charlton Heston, and the answer to “____ and Ammo”.
Guns should never be: accessible to children, kept in your grandmother’s nightstand (long story I’ll have to tell you about some other time), purchased at Walmart.

I remember shopping for my prom dress. Mom gave me a budget unworthy of a true fashionista, and my friends and I tried on at least a hundred dresses a piece at every store from BCBG to Nordstrom. I finally settled on the one that did the best job of making me feel taller, tanner, and 5 years older than I was. It wasn’t Gucci, but it was fitted and flattering. And I remember how I felt that day, how I thought that I was making a huge decision, that I was choosing an outfit that would set the stage for the rest of my life.

I was 17, give me a break.

Flash forward from 1998 to today and girls are now heading to Walmart to purchase their prom dresses. In need of dental floss, a children’s birthday gift, a prescription refill… or a prom dress? Walmart is your answer! Ugh…

Where’s the glamour? Where’s the fashion? Where are the memories in the making? When did a rite of passage turn into a trip to the bargain basement? It’s enough to make me sicker than a bottle of Mudslide mix.

Walmart is Target’s white trash cousin. It’s loud, hasn’t showered in a couple days, and shouldn’t be allowed near any decent person’s closet. I’ve heard rumors that in certain parts of the country, it’s considered a department store. I’m hoping this rumor is part of some underground advertising campaign propagated by a conservative right winger.

Full disclosure: I’ve been to a Walmart. I was craving McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets and there was a McDonald’s inside the Walmart in my neighborhood. And I’ll admit that after my gourmet snack, I did venture down a few aisles and pick up some necessities. It was college; a natural time to experiment. It doesn’t mean anything. And I’ve been a Target shopper ever since.

In a world where teen girls make pregnancy pacts and brag about bong rips in their Facebook statuses, something must be done to stop the madness. Parents, it’s your duty to keep your teenage daughter away from college boys, Methamphetamine diets, and stripper shoes. Walmart is no place for anyone with self respect or a keen fashion sense. We need to work together to keep guns and tacky clothing off the streets.

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By day, Raegan works as a mild-mannered tech executive. At night, she dons a 100% cashmere cape and becomes a fashion writer looking to rip into trends for a living.

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